Over Disclosure on the 99¢ rack (Boundaries)

Recently in one of our online DBT Groups in which we were all reading Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection, we discussed the subject of how sharing our story, our lives, and our business, with people who have not "earned it," is like devaluing our experience.  We likened our over disclosure to putting our business on the 99¢ rack instead of protecting it as a much higher valued and precious part of ourselves.

When we struggle with boundary issues, it can be difficult to contain ourselves when a seemingly kind and receptive person is willing to listen to our hardships and struggles.  It can be very tempting to "tell all" in the time it takes to wait for a bus with a stranger or at work with colleagues who we then have to face every day going forward.  We might regret our choice to tell so much and then be left with a feeling of shame.

The good news is, when we recognize the pattern to over disclose, we can begin working on our boundaries to reduce this behavior.  There are a number of DBT skills that can help us be effective at this, and the module of Interpersonal Effectiveness is where we begin to learn how reducing this type of behavior can help us to better enter into and maintain healthy relationships with others.


Do you struggle with boundaries?  Do you find it difficult to hold back when tempted to share your story with those who may not appreciate it, respect it, or be able to hold the space that you hope they will?  What are some ways you have found help you when feeling this way?

If you'd like to learn more about creating and enforcing healthy boundaries, check out our online Interpersonal Effectiveness course, which starts soon.

Role Playing for Assertiveness Training

Last Friday in our Interpersonal Effectiveness 2 group at DBT Path, we had an impromptu session of role playing with our students.

Using the following scale, we did a scenario of one person asking another to help them move:

Both the students and our co-facilitators got into our roles and practiced being on the side of asking and on the side of being able to say no, even when factors like the fear of rejection, being abandoned, or being disliked were present.

We talked about how realistic such fears are in the context of our current relationships and how much we really need to value a relationship with someone who might reject or abandon us if we need to say no to a request now and then to put our own self-care first.

A few days after the class, one of our students told us that her boss called her and said that he needed her to come into work on her day off.  Using the skills she learned in class on Friday, she told him she actually would not be able to do so because she really needed to use that day to study for finals.  The result?  Her boss was fine with it, and he asked someone else to cover that shift.

Our student was pleasantly delighted that her assertive response yielded the result she desired and with no negative consequences.

We have the right to say no when we do not want to comply with a request, especially an unreasonable one.  For those who are insecure or emotionally sensitive, this can be a challenge but can be learned with courage and practice.

For more information on skills that help in interactions with others, check out our online Interpersonal Effectiveness class, and consider joining us to learn more.


How do you feel you do with being able to say "no"?  What about being assertive in asking for your needs to be met?  Let us know in the comments section below.